Forex Trading Cartoni Animati

10 Ways To Avoid Losing Money In Forex The global forex market boasts over 4 trillion in average daily trading volume, making it the largest financial market in the world. Forexs popularity entices traders of all levels, from greenhorns just learning about the financial markets to well-seasoned professionals. Because it is so easy to trade forex - with round-the-clock sessions, access to significant leverage and relatively low costs - it is also very easy to lose money trading forex. This article will take a look at 10 ways that traders can avoid losing money in the competitive forex market. (There are no specifically forex focused programs, but there are still some advanced education alternatives for forex traders. Check out 5 Forex Designations .) 1. Do Your Homework Learn Before You Burn Just because forex is easy to get into doesnt mean that due diligence can be avoided. Learning about forex is integral to a traders success in the forex markets. While the majority of learning comes from live trading and experience, a trader should learn everything possible about the forex markets, including the geopolitical and economic factors that affect a traders preferred currencies. Homework is an ongoing effort as traders need to be prepared to adapt to changing market conditions, regulations and world events. Part of this research process involves developing a trading plan. (For more, check out 10 Steps To Building A Winning Trading Plan .) 2. Take the Time to Find a Reputable Broker The forex industry has much less oversight than other markets, so it is possible to end up doing business with a less-than-reputable forex broker. Due to concerns about the safety of deposits and the overall integrity of a broker, forex traders should only open an account with a firm that is a member of the National Futures Association (NFA) and that is registered with the U. S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) as a futures commission merchant. Each country outside of the United States has its own regulatory body with which legitimate forex brokers should be registered. Traders should also research each brokers account offerings, including leverage amounts, commissions and spreads. initial deposits, and account funding and withdrawal policies. A helpful customer service representative should have all this information and be able to answer any questions regarding the firms services and policies. (Discover the best ways to find a broker who will help you succeed in the forex market. Refer to 5 Tips For Selecting A Forex Broker .) 3. Use a Practice Account Nearly all trading platforms come with a practice account, sometimes called a simulated account or demo account. These accounts allow traders to place hypothetical trades without a funded account. Perhaps the most important benefit of a practice account is that it allows a trader to become adept at order entry techniques. Few things are as damaging to a trading account (and a traders confidence) as pushing the wrong button when opening or exiting a position. It is not uncommon, for example, for a new trader to accidentally add to a losing position instead of closing the trade. Multiple errors in order entry can lead to large, unprotected losing trades. Aside from the devastating financial implications, this situation is incredibly stressful. Practice makes perfect: experiment with order entries before placing real money on the line. 4. Keep Charts Clean Once a forex trader has opened an account, it may be tempting to take advantage of all the technical analysis tools offered by the trading platform. While many of these indicators are well-suited to the forex markets, it is important to remember to keep analysis techniques to a minimum in order for them to be effective. Using the same types of indicators such as two volatility indicators or two oscillators. for example can become redundant and can even give opposing signals. This should be avoided. Any analysis technique that is not regularly used to enhance trading performance should be removed from the chart. In addition to the tools that are applied to the chart, the overall look of the workspace should be considered. The chosen colors, fonts and types of price bars (line, candle bar, range bar, etc) should create an easy-to-read and interpret chart, allowing the trader to more effectively respond to changing market conditions. 5. Protect Your Trading Account While there is much focus on making money in forex trading, it is important to learn how to avoid losing money. Proper money management techniques are an integral part of successful trading. Many veteran traders would agree that one can enter a position at any price and still make money its how one gets out of the trade that matters. Part of this is knowing when to accept your losses and move on. Always using a protective stop loss is an effective way to make sure that losses remain reasonable. Traders can also consider using a maximum daily loss amount beyond which all positions would be closed and no new trades initiated until the next trading session. While traders should have plans to limit losses, it is equally essential to protect profits. Money management techniques, such as utilizing trailing stops. can help preserve winnings while still giving a trade room to grow. 6. Start Small When Going Live Once a trader has done his or her homework, spent time with a practice account and has a trading plan in place, it may be time to go live that is, start trading with real money at stake. No amount of practice trading can exactly simulate real trading, and as such it is vital to start small when going live. Factors like emotions and slippage cannot be fully understood and accounted for until trading live. Additionally, a trading plan that performed like champ in backtesting results or practice trading could, in reality, fail miserably when applied to a live market. By starting small, a trader can evaluate his or her trading plan and emotions, and gain more practice in executing precise order entries without risking the entire trading account in the process. 7. Use Reasonable Leverage Forex trading is unique in the amount of leverage that is afforded to its participants. One of the reasons forex is so attractive is that traders have the opportunity to make potentially large profits with a very small investment sometimes as little as 50. Properly used, leverage does provide potential for growth however, leverage can just as easily amplify losses. A trader can control the amount of leverage used by basing position size on the account balance. For example, if a trader has 10,000 in a forex account. a 100,000 position (one standard lot) would utilize 10:1 leverage. While the trader could open a much larger position if he or she were to maximize leverage, a smaller position will limit risk. (For additional reading, see Adding Leverage To Your Forex Trading .) 8. Keep Good Records A trading journal is an effective way to learn from both losses and successes in forex trading. Keeping a record of trading activity containing dates, instruments, profits, losses, and, perhaps most importantly, the traders own performance and emotions can be incredibly beneficial to growing as a successful trader. When periodically reviewed, a trading journal provides important feedback that makes learning possible. Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Without a trading journal and good record keeping, traders are likely to continue making the same mistakes, minimizing their chances of become profitable and successful traders. 9. Understand Tax Implications and Treatment It is important to understand the tax implications and treatment of forex trading activity in order to be prepared at tax time. Consulting with a qualified accountant or tax specialist can help avoid any surprises at tax time, and can help individuals take advantage of various tax laws, such as the marked-to-market accounting. Since tax laws change regularly, it is prudent to develop a relationship with a trusted and reliable professional that can guide and manage all tax-related matters. 10. Treat Trading As a Business It is essential to treat forex trading as a business, and to remember that individual wins and losses dont matter in the short run it is how the trading business performs over time that is important. As such, traders should try to avoid becoming overly emotional with either wins or losses, and treat each as just another day at the office. As with any business, forex trading incurs expenses, losses, taxes, risk and uncertainty. Also, just as small businesses rarely become successful overnight, neither do most forex traders. Planning, setting realistic goals, staying organized and learning from both successes and failures will help ensure a long, successful career as a forex trader. The Bottom Line The worldwide forex market is attractive to many traders because of its low account requirements, round-the-clock trading and access to high amounts of leverage. When approached as a business, forex trading can be profitable and rewarding. In summary, traders can avoid losing money in forex by: Being well-prepared Having the patience and discipline to study and research Applying sound money management techniques Approaching trading activity as a business A type of tax levied on capital gains incurred by individuals and corporations. Capital gains are the profits that an investor. An order to purchase a security at or below a specified price. A buy limit order allows traders and investors to specify. An Internal Revenue Service (IRS) rule that allows for penalty-free withdrawals from an IRA account. The rule requires that. The first sale of stock by a private company to the public. IPOs are often issued by smaller, younger companies seeking the. DebtEquity Ratio is debt ratio used to measure a company039s financial leverage or a debt ratio used to measure an individual. A type of compensation structure that hedge fund managers typically employ in which part of compensation is performance based. Event: GDP final Period: 4 quarter Previous Reading: 0.4 qq 1.7 yy Forecast: 0.4 qq 1.7 yy Actual Reading: An indicator for broad overall growth in the Eurozone. Robust GDP growth signals a heightened level of economic activity, and therefore a high demand for currency. Economic expansion also raises concerns about inflationary pressure, which generally prompts monetary authorities to increase interest rates. This means that positive GDP readings are generally bullish for a given currency, while negative readings are bearish. Due to the untimeliness of this report and because data on GDP components are available beforehand, the actual GDP figure is usually well anticipated. But given its overall significance GDP has the tendency to move the market upon release, acting to confirm or upset economic expectations. Robust GDP growth signals a heightened level of activity that is generally associated with a healthy economy. However economic expansion also raises concerns about inflationary pressures which may lead to monetary policy tightening. The headline figure for GDP is an annualized percentage growth rate. Technically, Gross Domestic Product is calculated in the following way: GDP C I G (EX - IM) where C private consumption I private investment G government expenditure EX exports of goods and services IM imports of goods and services Technical note. GDP is the total market value of goods and services produced in the Eurozone within a given period after deducting the cost of goods and services used up in the process of production. Therefore, GDP excludes intermediate goods and services and considers final aggregates only. Event: Trade Balance Period: Jan Previous Reading: -44.3bln Forecast: Actual Reading: A countrys trade balance reflects the difference between exports and imports of goods and services. The trade balance is one of the biggest components of the Balance of Payment, giving valuable insight into pressures on countrys currency. Surpluses and Deficits A positive Trade Balance (surplus) indicates that exports are greater than imports. When imports exceed exports, the country experiences a trade deficit. Because foreign goods are usually purchased using foreign currency, trade deficits usually reflect currency leaking out of the country. Such currency outflows may lead to a natural depreciation unless countered by comparable capital inflows (inflows in the form of investments, FDI - where foreigners investing in local equity, bond or real estates markets). At a bare minimum, deficits fundamentally weigh down the value of the currency. Ramifications of Trade Balance on Markets There are a number of factors that work to diminish the market impact of Trade Balance upon immediate release. The report is not very timely, coming some time after the reporting period. Developments in many of the figures components are also typically anticipated well beforehand. Lastly, since the report reflects data for a specific reporting month or quarter, any significant changes in the Trade Balance should plausibly have already been felt during that period - and not during the release of data. However, because of the overall significance of Trade Balance data in forecasting trends in the Forex Market, the release has historically been one of the most important reports out of the any country. A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. ldquoSuppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a 100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize shersquos given you two 100 bills. Now, herersquos where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner A Dollar Per Point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a 100 bill to his test with a note saying ldquoA dollar per point. rdquo The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and 64 change. The best time to buy anything is last year. - Why are diapers like 10 bills - Because you have to change them. quotDont stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. quot ndash George Burns - Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them - I did - Well, heres the elastic band. Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. If you had ten dollars, said the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left Ten, said Little Johnny firmly. Ten the teacher said How do you make it ten Well, replied Little Johnny You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesnt mean youll get it Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. quotI need someone with an accounting degree, quot the man said. quotBut mainly, Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me. quot quotExcuse mequot the accountant said. quotI worry about a lot of things, quot the man said. quotBut I dont want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back. quot quotI see, quot the accountant said. quotAnd how much does the job payquot quotIll start you at eighty thousand. quot quotEighty thousand dollarsquot the accountant exclaimed. quotHow can such a small business afford a sum like thatquot quotThat, quot the owner said, quotis your first worry. quot An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit. quotDid you notice anything special about the manquot asks the agent. quotYes, quot replies the teller. quotHe was better dressed each time. quot A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. A guy in a Kia pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, quotHey, is your car Bluetooth enabledquot The Rolls owner nods. quotSo is mine. Got Wi-Fiquot The Rolls owner nods again. quotMe too. What about a double bedquot quotNo. Do youquot asks the Rolls guy. quotYep. quot The Kia owner peers out. quotYou got me out of the shower to tell me thatquot If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions. Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neigbourhood without moving. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, quotThe parrot on the left costs 500.quot quotWhy does that parrot cost so muchquot asks the accountant. quotWell, quot replies the owner, quotit knows how to do complex audits. quot quotHow much does the middle parrot costquot asks the accountant. quotThat one costs 1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecastsquot. The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs 4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, quotWhat can it doquot To which the owner replies quotTo be honest, Ive never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner. quot Ted said to his friend, quotcan you lend me 10quot quotBut I only have 8quot, his friend replied. quotThats OK, you can always owe me the other 2quot A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy whos dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, quotWho are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heavenquot The guy replies, quotIm Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City. quot Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, quotTake this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. quot The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and its the ministers turn. He stands erect and booms out, quotI am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Marys for the last forty-three years. quot Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, quotTake this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. quot quotJust a minute, quot says the minister. quotThat man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff How can this bequot quotUp here, we work by results, quot says Saint Peter. quotWhile you preached, people slept his clients, they prayed. quot The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried. Advisor ndash the one who charges money for a piece of stock advice to cover hisher losses on the market. Advisory Service - an advisor who lost a considerable amount of money and started new business. Afternoon - a daily chance to give back the money you made that morning (see Friday). Apprentice - anyone who peers at your screen shortly after you closed a profitable deal. Average Down - what you have to do if you opened a long position and had to go to the bathroom. Average Up - what you have to do if you opened a short position and had to go to the bathroom. Bad TradeStupid Trade ndash an unprofitable deal that someone else carries out which does not fit your trading strategy. Bottom - (when you have an open long position) the spot where you give up averaging down and sell (when you have an open short position) the spot where the book recommends you to open a short position. Break ndash a pause you take when you have either 2 profitable or 5 unprofitable deals in a row. Broker - someone who studied hard and has a license to legally lose your money for a minute additional fee. Canadian ndash the one who is short any stock you have. Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong. Cheap Stock - a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open a short position on it. Confusion - 6 open positions. Coyote Syndrome - when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so as not to click the mouse again. Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early. Double Up ndash a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally bought more instead of selling what you had. Down On The Day - a temporary situation until right after the next deal. Excellent Company - any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a profitable deal. Excellent Long Term Investment - Position Trading that went the wrong way right after you opened a position. Expensive Stock - a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to open a long position. Expert ndash a newbie who has not begun to trade yet (see Licensed Expert). Fossil - a rather aged dude, making less than 90 deals per day. Freak ndash the one who can carry out three profitable deals in a row. Friday ndash a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week (see Afternoon). Fundamental Analysis - the process of checking if you can open a short position on a stock. Gap Up - a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it. Genius - what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favours you 3 times in a row. Halt (stock) ndash (an open position) impending really good news or really bad news, but anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen. Highlight - selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why the stock is special. Home Run - every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and then do not make yourself. Huge Player - 1. A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left. 2. Any trader that has been in such a situation for more than three months. Idiot - a fool that gives you his stock to cover your profitable short position. INCA - (if a long position is open) some creep that puts up a 50,000 share offer right when you open a long positon (if a short position is open) the same guy, opening a long position. IPO - expensive cyanide. IPO (Internet) - expensive cyanide flambeacute with sugar. Joker - a professional who takes a break to laugh to himself (see Professional, Break). Level 2 - the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time. Licensed Expert - a dude with a Series 7 license who has not started trading yet. Loudmouth - 1. Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal. 2. A newbie who cannot pull the trigger at first, but finally does it, screaming: quotYahoo Its runningquot Lucky Deal - a profitable deal someone else made that does not fit your strategy much. Lunch Money - what you waste away between 11 a. m. and 1 p. m. (ET). Manager - a day trader who found out a Never Lose Trading System. Margin - (if you are up) a safe situation with huge potential return (if you are down) an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have. Margin Call - what happens when your clearing firm makes an accounting mistake. Market Maker - the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes the other side of each of your unprofitable trades. Moron - a blockhead, buying your profitable long position. Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position. Pain - exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the way you knew it would in the first place. Position Trading - day trading that went the wrong way right after you took a position. Pro - a guy at trading centre who says nothing and keeps smiling all the time (see Joker). Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go. Secret Deal ndash a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you how you are doing. Short List ndash a daily list of stocks that will rise and never pull back. Short List Request ndash a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not today. Short Squeeze - (when you have an open short position) when a person that you have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt you and your family on purpose (when you have an open long position) a proof that you are a true genius. Special Situation - when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of larger volume instead of exiting trading (see Long Term Investment). Spread ndash (if a deal is profitable) sharing your wealth (if a deal is unprofitable) a malicious market maker who rips you off. System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant. Technical Analysis - (traditional) a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded (Point and Figure) a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded. Top - (when you have an open long position) the point on the chart where the stock price backs off fast before you get out (when you have an open short position) the exact spot where you cover. Trainer - the only man in the room who has never tried intraday trading in his life. Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking. Up On The Day - what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket charges. Uptick - (when you have an open long position) added hope (when you have an open short position) a market maker, letting everyone else in (if no positions are open) a good chance to lose some money through opening a short position. Volume Spike - (an open position) confirmation that you are either the smartest person or the biggest idiot on Earth (no positions are open) confirmation that you are the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention. The real measure of your wealth is how much youd be worth if you lost all your money. The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed. He announced, quotI have to go back to the office right away I forgot to lock the safequot quotWhat are you worried aboutquot asked the other. quotWere both here. quot The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies night club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a 20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the 20 bill, and stuck it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulled out a 50 bill and called the guy over. I was worried about the way things were going, but she licked the bill and just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things were going, the guy gyrated over to me Now everyones attention was focused on me, and the guy was egging me on to try and top the 50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. quotI hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but its the best we can do and you will have to share the room with othersquot he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. quotSee, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180quot quotWhy thats wonderfulquot Says Albert. quotWe can discuss mathematicsquot quotAnd here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150quot quotWhy thats wonderfulquot Says Albert. quotWe can discuss physicsquot quotAnd here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100quot quotThat Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theaterquot Just then another man moves out to capture Alberts hand and shake it. quotIm your last room mate and Im sorry, but my IQ is only 80.quot Albert smiles back at him and says, quotSo, where do you think interest rates are headedquot A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big quoteverything under one roofquot department store looking for a job. The Manager says, quotDo you have any sales experiencequot The kid says quotYeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota. quot Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. quotYou start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did. quot His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. quotHow many customers bought something from you todayquot The kid says quotOnequot. The boss says quotJust One Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale forquot The kid says quot101, 237.65quot. The boss says quot101,237.65 What the heck did you sellquot The kid says, quotFirst, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didnt think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition. quot The boss said, quotA guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCKquot The kid said quotNo, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekends shot, you should go fishing. quot Five dollars for one question said the girl to the fortune-teller. Thats very expensive, isnt it Next Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them. Buddies John meets his buddy George and asks him: bull John: Do me a favour, could you lend me 100 George checks in his wallet and his pockets, then replies: bull George: Sorry, pal. I got only 50. bull John: Only 50 Never mind. Give me the 50 you have, and you owe me another 50. An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what theyd do if they had a million pounds. John handed in a blank sheet of paper. John yelled the teacher, youve done nothing why Because if i had a million pounds, thats exactly what i would do said John The best way of saving money is to forget the person you borrowed it from. quotIts weird, though, cause this is my first time job and everything, but I couldve sworn I was making more money in college just working for my parents as their daughter. quot - Melanie Reno. Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for 10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to 25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50 However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers quotLook at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for 50 each. quot The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works. Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, quotWhere in the hell have you beenquot Larry replies, quotI was out getting a tattoo. quot quotA tattooquot she frowned. quotWhat kind of tattoo did you getquot quotI got a hundred dollar bill on my privates, quot he said proudly. quotWhat the hell were you thinkingquot she said, shaking her head in disdain. quotWhy on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privatesquot quotWell, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want. quot When a habit begins to cost money it is called a hobby. - What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean - A good start. A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced his altitude and saw a man below. quotExcuse me, but can you help me I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I dont know where I am, quot he said. The man below replied: quotYou are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude. quot To which the balloonist replied: quotYou must be a broker. quot To which the man on the ground said: quotI am, but how did you knowquot The reply came from above: quotEverything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. Frankly, youve not been much help so far. quot The man below responded: quotYou must be a trader. quot To which the balloonist replied: quotYes, I am, but how did you knowquot To which the man on the ground said: quotYou dont know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault. quot It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. quotLets try to make this look naturalquot she said. quotJunior, put your arm around your dads shoulder. quot The father answered, quotIf you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocketquot A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: MAIN ENTRANCE A woman returns to her car after shopping and is furious to find the side of her car is smashed in. On the windshield is a note. Relieved she picks it up and reads what it says: quotAs Irsquom writing this a bunch of people are watching me. They think Irsquom writing down my name, number and insurance information. But Irsquom not. quot Economy - purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. - Johnny, if you had 5 and you asked your father for 3 more, how many dollars would you have - I would have five dollars. - You dont know your arithmetic, Johnny. - You dont know my father, Mrs. Mutch. SPREAD: The only reliable way to make money on the FX market, which is why your broker charges you one. A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with 2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said Im sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said quotI guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad Oh by the way what is the 2000 in the drawer. The husband repliedquot Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them. Stockbroker: What is a million years like to you God: Like one second. Stockbroker: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Stockbroker: Can I have a penny God: Just a second. quotEvery morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If Im not there, I go to work. quot - Robert Orben After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: quotHoney, weve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.quot quotYou mean a brand-new Cadillacquot she asked eagerly. quotNo, quot said the husband, quota 1979 Cadillac. quot A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, quotHey, whereve you been I havent seen you around here much. quot The twenty answered, quotIve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about youquot The one dollar bill said, quotYou know, same old stuff. church, church, church. quot A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, quotWait, Fellow Please dont do that. quot The salesman said, quotWhy not quot and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped. A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school. When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, quotValiant student saves boy from ferocious dogquot. The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, quotPompous stockbroker kills school mascotquot. There are two things you are better off not watching in the making: sausages and econometric estimates. (Edward Leamer) Customer: quotYour watches seem so cheap. Only twenty dollars How much does it cost to make themquot Shopkeeper: quotThey cost me twenty dollars to make them. quot Customer: quotBut if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and you sell them for twenty dollars, where does your profit come inquot Shopkeeper: quotThat comes from repairing them. quot A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow 2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says quotIve got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys. quot The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the banks underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man 2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the 2,000 loan, plus 10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, quotSir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollarsquot The man answers, quotI had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollarsquot The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think theyre smart. A rather frugal man asked the bank for a loan of one dollar and was told he would have to pay nine percent interest at the end of the year. For security he offered 60,000. in U. S. bonds. The banker, foreseeing a potential depositor, accepted the bonds and gave the man a dollar. At the end of the year, he was back with a dollar and nine cents to clear up his debt and asked for the return of his bonds. Upon returning the bonds the banker asked, quotI dont want to be inquisitive, but since you have all those bonds, why did you have to borrow a dollarquotquotWell, quot said the tightfisted old gent, quotI really didnt have to. But do you know of any other way I could get the use of a safe-deposit box for nine cents a yearquot Logic of an economist. A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, OK see that big mountain over there Yes, answered the others eagerly. Well, according to the map, were standing on top of it. Lottery A broker named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for 100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, Ben drove up and said, bull Ben: Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died. bull Jean Paul: Well, then, just give me the money back, bull Ben: Cant do that. I went and spent it already. bull Jean Paul: OK, then. Just unload the donkey, bull Ben: What ya going to do with him bull Jean Paul: Im going to raffle him off, bull Ben: You cant raffle off a dead donkey bull Jean Paul: Sure can. Watch me. I just wont tell that hes dead, A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, bull Ben: What happened with that dead donkey bull Jean Paul: I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of 898, bull Ben: Didnt anyone complain bull Jean Paul: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back. Ill send you some money A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. Mom said: quotSure, sweetie. Ill send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up tooquot quotUh, oh yeah, OK, quot responded the kid. So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked: quotWell, how much did you give the boy this timequot Mom said: quotOh, I wrote 2 checks, one for 20, and the other for 1000quot quotThats 1020. quot yelled Dad, quotAre you crazy. quot quotDont worry hon, quot Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, quotI taped the 20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the 1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19quot A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. Hes out there now. trying to win a trip back A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it. There a clerk asks him: quotShould I cut it into six pieces or eight piecesquot. The guru replies: quotIm feeling rather hungry right now. Youd better cut it into eight pieces. quot Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Balloon prices were inflated. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. William: May I have some money for the man crying outside Mum: What crying man. William: The one thatrsquos crying, Ice cream Ice Cream TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism): You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debtequity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 years time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you dont know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. - Where do vampires keep their savings - In blood banks. Inflation is cutting money in half without damaging the paper. A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, quotI have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you cant solve. quot Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says quotBlame your predecessorquot He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, quotReorganizequot This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says quotPrepare three envelopesquot. The banker fell overboard from a friends sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, quotCan you float alonequot quotObviously, quot the banker replied, quotbut this is a heck of a time to talk business. quot quotI was so poor growing up. if I wasnt a boy. Id have nothing to play with. quot ndash Rodney Dangerfield My mother decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, quotJust think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand. quot quotGoodquot, my dad quickly replied. quotWash it againquot - My broker has a new service where they will text you your balance. - Its cool, I just dont think they should add quotLOLquot at the end. One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. lsquoWhat are you doingrsquo she asked. rsquoIm looking for my dollar bill, rsquo Max replied. lsquoI lost it down the road. rsquoWhy donrsquot you look for it therersquoBecause the lightrsquos better herersquo If you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollars. (c) J. Paul Getty Q: Whatrsquos the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons A: The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMWrsquos. Meaning of. potentially and realistically. A young boy went up to his father and asked him, quotDad, what is the difference between potentially and realisticallyquotThe father thought for a moment, then answered, quotGo ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if hed sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that. quotSo the boy went to his mother and asked, quotWould you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollarsquotThe mother replied, quotOf course, I would We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great universityquotThe boy then went to his sister and asked, quotWould you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollarsquotThe girl replied, quotOh, good heavens I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nutsquotThe boy then went to his brother and asked, quotWould you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollarsquotquotOf course, quot the brother replied. quotDo you know how much a million bucks would buyquotThe boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, quotDid you find out the difference between potentially and realisticallyquotThe boy replied, quotYes, Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, were living with two hookers and a future congressman. quot A wife comes in and yells, ldquoHoney Pack your clothes I just won the lotteryrdquo Her husband yells back, ldquoBut what should I packrdquo The wife replies, ldquoI DONrsquoT CARE JUST PACK AND GET OUTrdquo Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, hed get the job. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount. quotAmazingquot the manager said. quotHow did you do itquot quotEasy, quot Schneider replied. quotI told him if he didnt pay up, Id tell all his other creditors he paid us. quot An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with 72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed 66. He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, quotFluctuations. quot The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, quotFluc you Amelicans, tooquot TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking TECH: Were an Internet service provider, maam. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out TECH: Im not sure I understand CUSTOMER: You know. Does the money come out from that slot on the computer The student and the professor of economics. A student asked a professor of economics: - What is the difference between socialism and capitalism The professor answered: - Capitalism is the exploitation of humans by humans The Student: - And socialism The professor: - Its the inverse of course. A priest announced to his congregation: quotI have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, its still out there in your pockets. quot quotA bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. quot - Bob Hope. - If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have. - Someone elses coat. A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. quotDad, you gave me some terrible financial advicequot quotI did What did I tell youquot said the dad. quotYou told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble. quot quotWhat are you talking about Thats one of the largest banks in the state, quot he said. quotthere must be some mistake. quot quotI dont think so, quot she sniffed. quotThey just returned one of my checks with a note saying, Insufficient Funds. quot New mattress A man (MAN) calls his fx dealer (DEALER) all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, bull MAN: Close all my positions, everything fast, right away. The fx dealer tries to talk to the man but the man says, bull MAN: Let me tell you a secret. You know Ive been married for 6 years now and Ive been your client for 5 years. bull DEALER: Yes, go on, the FX dealer says. bull MAN: Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the GBP crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the FX market and always leave all our money under the mattress. bull DEALER: Wow, I didnt know that. I guess you want the money because you are losing. bull MAN: No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days. Why has astrology been invented So that economy could be an accurate science. quotWhat No E-mailquot An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, quotYou will be employed at minimum wage, 5.25 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, quotWell, then, that means that you virtually dont exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed. quot Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only 10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb. flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100 profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost 100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, quotWhat, you dont have e-mail How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very startquot After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, quotWhy, of course I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoftquot Moral of this story: 1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life. 2. If you dont have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire. 3. Seeing that you got this story via e-mail, youre probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire. 4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft. Money is always there, but the pockets change. Races Soros and a Bernanke went to the races. Soros suggested to bet 10,000 on a horse. Bernanke was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. Soros whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince Bernanke. bull Soros: You are too theoretical, he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: I told you, I knew the secret bull Bernanke: What is your secret bull Soros: It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine. bull Bernanke: But, three and five is eight, bull Soros: I told you, you are too theoretical Soros replied, ldquoHavent I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correctrdquo How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company He was shocked. My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, its his Currency exchange A Japanese guy (J) is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While hes waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter and says to the clerk (C): J: Wait a minute. When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. Whats going on here C: Fluctuations. The Japanese man stiffens. J: Well Fluck you Americans, too Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up. I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before Money cant buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan How much money do you need quotWhats considered enough money Just a little bit morequot. (Will Rogers) quotIf you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollarsquot. (J. Paul Getty) quotA billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon youre talking about real moneyquot. (Everett Dirksen) - Can I borrow that book of yours quotHow To Become A Millionairequot - Sure, here you are. - Thanks, but half the pages are missing. Whats the matter - Isnt half a million enough for you Are you a trader You know yoursquore a trader ifhellip Your colleagues call you quotPIP Daddyquot You know yoursquore a trader if hellip Anyone got ideas. Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket Interviewer: What is recession Candidate: When ldquoWine and Womenrdquo get replaced by ldquoWater and Wiferdquo that critical phase of life is called ldquoRecessionrdquo. Dear Dad, chool i really great. I am making lot of friend and tudying very hard. With all my tuff, I imply cant think of anything I need. o if you would like, you can jut end me a card, a I would love to hear from you. Love, Your on Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad - What did the man do when he got a big gas bill - He exploded. quotMoney, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didnt have it and thought of other things if you did. quot ndash James Baldwin I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money that Ill ever need. if I die tomorrow. - Henny Youngman A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist. The woman asks, quotWill this cure my illnessquot The doctor answers, quotNo. But the six months will seem like a lifetime. quot A young girl and her father are looking at a nursery full of newborn babies. All of them are crying. Girl: Are they hungry Dad: NohellipThey just found out theyrsquoll have to pay for the stimulus bill. Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. ldquoIrsquove lost five cents, rdquo sobbed Johnny. ldquoDonrsquot worry, rdquo said his dad kindly. ldquoHerersquos five more for you. rdquo At this Johnny howled louder than ever. ldquoNow what is itrdquo asked his dad. ldquoI wish Irsquod said Irsquod lost ten centsrdquo Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first A: The Taxpayer. The cost of living is so high now. My wife is having to have sex with me because she canrsquot afford the batteries. - Dad, would you like to save some money - I certainly would, son. Any suggestions - Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I wont wear my shoes out so fast. A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God. While he was praying, he asked God, quotHow long is 10 million years to youquot God replied, quot1 second. quot The next day the preacher asked God, quotGod, how much is 10 million dollars to youquot And God replied, quotA penny. quot Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, quotGod, can I have one of your penniesquot And God replied, quotJust wait a sec. quotnEuro Zone Retail PMI for February is up first at ten minutes past 9 AM GMT. The headline Retail PMI, which tracks the month-on-month changes in like-for-like retail sales in the blocu2019s biggest three economies combined u2013 dipped to 50.1 in January, from 50.4 in December. nEuro Zone Sentix Investor Confidence for March will available 20 minutes later. Confidence slipped in February, retreating from the highest level since Mid-2015. nUS Factory Orders for January are out next at 3 PM GMT. New orders for manufactured goods increased by 6.1 billion or 1.3 percent to 464.9 billion in December, as reported by the U. S. Census Bureau. nUK BRC KPMG Retail Sales Monitor for February is set for publication just a minute after midnight. As Paul Martin, the Head of UK Retail at KPMG commented: u201cCompared to last year, retail sales were down point 6 per cent on a like-for-like basis this January u2013 somewhat mirroring the sense of back-to-work sluggishness many feel at the start of the New Yearu201d. nAnd wrapping up this rather short agenda is the high importance Reserve Bank of Australia monetary policy announcement at 3:30 AM, which is very much likely to shake up the Ozzy Dollar trades. As expected, interest rates were left unchanged at the end of February meeting. nIu2019m Celeste Skinner and thatu2019s it for Mondayu2019s Economic Calendar. Click back for Tuesdayu2019s overview, but for now, goodbye.,lang:en Mon, Mar 06 06:00 n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:enWebinar by Docdow on Everything You Wanted to Know About Markets 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 16:28 n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:en12:00 GMT Dukascopy Research Webinar 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 16:28 nEuroNew Zealand has had a bullish run and the pair has gained more than 1 to post the dayu2019s biggest move. nGerman and Euro Zone retail sales reports disappointed and Final Euro Zone Services PMI got a slight downward revision, but Single currency is on top of the advancers and decliners table, trading point 21 up from the Swiss Franc. nGreenback trades in a close range with a couple of currencies and Australian Dollar is one of them. nJapanese consumer confidence slipped and Yen is just slightly North of the Loonie Dollar. nUK Services PMI declined more than expected, sending Sterling South and itu2019s up only from the Kiwi Dollar, which sits at the bottom of the advancers and decliners table. nWeekly bulls table is led by DollarCanada, which is up by 2.28. Overall there are 4 pairs that have gained more than 2 over the past week. New ZealandUS Dollar is on top of the bearish section with a decline of 2.24 and the Cable has depreciated by almost the same. nAustraliaNew Zealand has had a bullish month and itu2019s the only pair that has gained more than 3. SterlingAustralia has depreciated the most, standing 3.45 in the red. nIu2019m Celeste Skinner and thatu2019s all for Fridayu2019s Movers and Shakers. Have a nice weekend and click back for FX and more. Goodbye.,lang:enMovers and Shakers Movers and Shakers Fri, Mar 03 16:27 n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:enWebinar by thekrash on Market analysis live in 3 different time frames 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 16:07 rnKeywords: Eu, News, Politics, Theresa May, Eu Referendum, Farage, Britain, European Union, Europe, Trump, Article 50, Nigel Farage, Immigration, Uk News, National News, Political News, Euronews, Ukip, European, United Kingdom, House Of Lords, Newsnight, Conservative, Uk, Trade, Fed, Banking, Economy, Rothschild, Janet Yellen, Dollar, Reserve, Conspiracy, Economics, Federal, Money, Bank, Us Federal Reserve, lang:enIs UK PM Fighting Losing Battle Fri, Mar 03 16:07 rnKeywords: Forex, Trading, Miss Dukascopy 2016, Eurusd, Currencies, Technical Analysis, Dukascopy Winners, Miss Dukascopy Contest, Fx Traders, Poker Contest, Automated Fx Strategy, Usdchf, Weekly Tasks, Forex News, Contest, Trading, Forex Trading, Fx, Market, Stocks, Gold, Business, Analysis, Finance, Currency, Stock, Technical Analysis, Stock Market, Technical, Euro, Contest, 2017, Competition, Giveaway, lang:enCommunity Stars Nr. 160 Fri, Mar 03 16:00 n nLive discussion of: n - UK u2013 Services PMI n nThe Dukascopy Research Team covers the fundamentals and technicals on the economic data release. Research Team members discuss the historical data for the particular news release, talk through the potential positive and negative surprise trading strategy and try to project the possible market reaction. During the technical part of analysis, Team members compare previous market reactions and views of other market participants. n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:enWebinar by nuonrg UK Services PMI Data Live Coverage 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 15:41 n nLive discussion of: n - UK u2013 Services PMI n nThe Dukascopy Research Team covers the fundamentals and technicals on the economic data release. Research Team members discuss the historical data for the particular news release, talk through the potential positive and negative surprise trading strategy and try to project the possible market reaction. During the technical part of analysis, Team members compare previous market reactions and views of other market participants. n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:enWebinar by nuonrg UK Services PMI Data Live Coverage 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 15:23 n nTo join our LIVE daily webinars, follow the link below and click click to join ndukascopytvLive, lang:enWebinar by iiivb on iiivbs Trading Room 03.03.2017 Fri, Mar 03 15:02 rnKeywords: Cristian Maggio, TD Securities, Forex, Usdrub, Usd, Rub, Ruble, Russia, Dollar, Currency, Forex, News, Economy, Finance, Euro, Russian Ruble (currency), Oil, Collapse, Savings, Bank, Bank Account, Currency Exchange, Savings Account, Putin, Banking, Forex Trading, Usd, United States, Debt, Yen, Russian Ruble, Recession, Elite Nwo Agenda, Us Dollar, Europe, Rouble, Moscow, Gold, Paw Patrol, Max Kei, lang:enJanet Yellen Fed Rate Hike Fri, Mar 03 14:30 nEuroDollar has climbed higher by a total of 45 pips, but the pair sees 43 less than typical funds. Most of the traders have been placing their bets on a downward movement for the pair, but it rose gradually, making losses more likely, however, the passive trading should cushion them. nPoundDollar has been trending South and a loss of point 4 was posted at noon. The Cable sees a typical amount of funds and most of them have been driven by bullish expectations. Bearish rate movement makes losses more likely for investors. nDollarYenu2019s early decline was followed by a rise, which wiped out all of the loss. Turnover is low and sentiment of the traders is neutral, 3 long. Changing trend has provided both of the close to equal sides with their profit opportunities. nPoundYenu2019s decline measures at a total of 85 pips and a loss of point 31 was posted at midday. Traded volume is average and neutral sentiment of the market players is 1 long. Downtrend makes a successful morning session more likely for those who had short positions. nEuroYen rose sharply from the low at just slightly above the 120 level and the pair stood point 4 up from the opening level after 12 hours of trading. Traded volume is low and most of the market players have been bullish in their expectations. Surge has provided solid profit chances for traders. nIu2019m Kiays Khalil and this wraps up Fridayu2019s Midday Snapshot. Well be updating these stats every hour, so stay tuned.,lang:enFri, Mar 03 12:56 rnKeywords: Gold, Silver, Bullion, Kiiara, Official, Precious Metals, Mining, Platinum, Golden, Matthew Mcconaughey, Presstube, Copper, How, Pop, Gold Standard, Popular, Metal Detector, Spandau Ballet, True, Gold Coins, Pop Music, Electronic Music, Atlantic Records, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Blockchain, Bitcoin Explained, Bitcoin Mining, What Is Bitcoin, Digital Currency, Peter Schiff, lang:enBitcoin Tops Gold Fri, Mar 03 12:24 nEuroDollaru2019s long term average spread is point 27 pips and maximum separation has been just a single pip. nThe pair declined yesterday by point 37 or 39 pips, but most of the loss was recovered in a following rise. nEconomic calendar has been busy and the max separation of only 1 pip was posted yesterday at 1:30 PM GMT as the US jobless claims were out. nThe Cableu2019s long term average spread is point 79 pips. Maximum separation has been 3.2 pips and both of the sides were 2 and a half pips apart during the past hour. nPoundDollar has been trending South from the high of 1 2308, declining by point 67 or 83 pips. nSpreads were sent higher yesterday at 1:30 PM GMT by the US jobless claims report, but 3.2 pips is the biggest separation you should have seen. nAnd the final pair for this overview is the DollarYen, which has long term average and maximum spreads of point 27 and 1.9 pips respectively. nDaily high and low difference is 52 pips and it was posted as the pair declined by point 45. nNews reports donu2019t match the time of the peak spread u2013 both of the sides were 1.9 pips apart at 12:54 in the morning as the rate advanced. nIu2019m Kiays Khalil and that039s how things look so far, but these stats are updated throughout the day, so check back.,lang:enFri, Mar 03 10:47 nEurodollaru2019s hourly indicators show mixed results, mid term outlook shifts to neutral and 6 models are red in the daily range. The less 8 short interbank matches the mid term indicators. nThe Cable has 3 sell and 3 neutral prompts in the hourly scale. Mid and long terms bring 5 and 4 sell signals respectively and they are in line with the 16 short interbank. nDollarYenu2019s hourly indicators are mostly neutral. Mid term is mixed with 4 buy and 4 neutral prompts and 4 bullish indicators are in the lead in the long term. Interbank sentiment is bearish at 24 short. nNeutrals are in the lead of all three time scales for the PoundYen and itu2019s in line with the only 6 short interbank stance. nEuroYenu2019s 1 and 4 hour charts have 6 and 4 neutrals respectively and daily scale brings mixed results. The less than 12 short interbank matches the 1 and 4 hour studies. nIu2019m Celeste Skinner and that concludes the primary Daily Trading Signals for Friday. As usual, do click back for the hourly updates.,lang:enFri, Mar 03 08:49 nFirst up is the EuroDollar, which stands between R1 of 1 0560 and S1 of 1 05. nA 10 day moving average is one of the 13 confirmations for R1. R2 posts 7 matches and itu2019s a 50 day moving average. R3 has 2 confirmations and a 100 day moving average is one of them. Both psychological level and a price channel indicator lower line are among the 7 matches for S1. S3 is a 4 year low with a total of 6 confirmations and thereu2019s just a single match for S2. nThe Cable has R1 of 1 2310 and S1 of 1 2240. nR3 is confirmed by a 100 day moving average and 6 more models. Bollinger lower band is one of the 6 matches for R1 and 4 alternative studies are near R2, which is a 50 day moving average. S1 posts 3 confirmations, including a price channel indicator lower line. S3 is a psychological level with a total of 2 matches and only a single study is near S2. nDollarYen is below R1 of 114 40 and above S1 of 113 80. nR3 leads in resistance with 5 confirmations, including a price channel indicator upper line and a psychological level. R2 is confirmed by a Bollinger upper band and 2 more models. R1 has 2 matches and a 50 day moving average is one of them. S1 has found 7 matches, S2 follows with 6 confirmations and itu2019s a 20 day moving average. A 100 day moving average is one of the 5 matches for S3. nAnd last up is the DollarSwissie, which has R1 of 1 0150 and S1 of 1 0090. nR1 and R3 both have 6 confirmations. The highest line is a 4 year high and R1 is both a Bollinger upper band and a price channel indicator upper line. Thereu2019s just a single match for R2. S1 leads in support with 12 matches. S2 posts 6 confirmations and itu2019s a 100 day moving average. S3 is a psychological level and it has a total of 3 confirmations. nIu2019m Kiays Khalil and that concludes the Support and Resistance Level Report for Friday. As usual, we039ll be back on Monday with the next review of the price levels. Goodbye.,lang:enSupport and Resistance Support and Resistance Fri, Mar 03 08:21 rnKeywords: Dukascopy, Dukascopy TV, SPD, Luciene Miranda, Leonardo Baru00e9m Leite, Almeida Advogados, Attorney, Repatriation, Funds, Abroad, Account, Corruption, Money, Law, Government, Tax, Penalty, Investigation, Car Wash, Impeachment, Brazilian, Demonstration, Amnesty, Bank, Central Bank, Receita Federal, Banco Central, Brazil, lang:enRepatriation of Funds, Pt2 Fri, Mar 03 07:38 rnKeywords: Dukascopy, Dukascopy TV, SPD, Luciene Miranda, Leonardo Baru00e9m Leite, Almeida Advogados, Attorney, Repatriation, Funds, Abroad, Account, Corruption, Money, Law, Government, Tax, Penalty, Investigation, Car Wash, Impeachment, Brazilian, Demonstration, Amnesty, Bank, Central Bank, Receita Federal, Banco Central, Brazil, lang:enRepatriation of Funds, Pt1 Fri, Mar 03 07:35 nGerman Retail Sales for January are up first at 7 AM. Sales have been declining for the past 2 months, but this release could show some recovery. nThe final version of Euro Zone February Services PMI is out at 9. The initial reading puts the Index at its highest level in more than 5 years, and it039s worth noting the French services sector has seen a very notable recovery, outpacing Germany. nUK Services PMI for February follows at 9:30. Now, the British Index eased in January from the 19-month high it reached a month ago. nEuro Zone Retail Sales for January will be available at 10. The weaker German data pushed the total lower in December France, however, posted the third-largest increase in the entire currency bloc. nComing up next at 3 PM GMT is the closely watched US ISM Non-Manufacturing Index for February. The Index inched lower in January as new orders and business activity both went down on the other hand, employment posted an increase. nAnd, if you have any Greenback positions, you may want to tune in at 6 o039clock, when Fed Chair Janet Yellen will be discussing the US economic outlook at the Executives Club of Chicago. She could use this opportunity to provide the Fed take on the Trump Administration budget outlines moreover, traders would appreciate any information on the rate hike schedule. nI039m Kiays Khalil and this was the Economic Calendar for Friday, the 3rd of March. We039ll be back with the next overview of news events for Monday, so see you then.,lang:enFri, Mar 03 06:00 nSterlingAustralia rose sharply after 8 ou2019clock and the pair has gained 1.19, which is the dayu2019s top move. nUK Construction PMI rose further above the 50 level and Sterling takes the top spot on the advancers and decliners table. nUS jobless claims dropped to a multi-decade low and Greenback is only a fraction South of the top advancer. nCanadian GDP grew in line with expectations at a monthly rate of point 3 and Loonie Dollar is followed closely by the Swissie. Swiss GDP disappointed with a fractional quarterly growth nFlash Euro Zone CPI showed inflation accelerated to 2 and Single currency is almost level with the safe-haven Japanese Yen. nAntipodes are at the bottom of the table u2013 New Zealand Dollar is up only from the neighboring Australian Dollar, which wraps up the advancers and decliners table as Australian building approvals jumped, but trade surplus narrowed down sharply. nWeekly bulls table is led by DollarCanada and the pair has gained almost 2. New Zealandgreenback tops the bearish section with a slide of slightly more than 2. nAustraliaNew Zealand has had a bullish month and the pair is up by 3.45. New ZealandGreenback shows a similar decliner and itu2019s the most bearish pair. nIu2019m Kiays Khalil and thatu2019s it for Thursdayu2019s report. Weu2019ll be back tomorrow with this weeku2019s last overview, but for now, goodbye.,lang:enMovers and Shakers Movers and Shakers Thu, Mar 02 15:52